Today I realized that there is a threshold that exists in a relationship. This threshold varies from couple to couple but is reached at different levels during the growth. The threshold, or process of Irrelevance, is guided by complacency.

During the first months, everything is interesting about the other person. How they look, what they think, what they did. You want to hear about every single detail in attentiveness, and the other is anxious to share. When you do not see each other for a while, you just can’t wait to tell the other person what has happened. In the same way, you can’t wait to hear what has been going on. In good relationships this is constant. Even after years, there are always things to discuss in interesting conversations.

As time goes by, this degrades by steps in a process I call the process of irrelevance

The first step is “Daydreaming”; the shortening of time spent listening to the other person’s topics. The partner day reams in and out, but can maintain attention long enough to nod and feedback to the other that listening is happening. The partner notices, and inquires “Are you listening?” but the other person can still recall what was said, and can normally recite the last couple of phrases or main ideas.

The second step is “Interruption”. When a person is sharing his interests and the partner’s daydream goes overboard they blurt out or say something totally off point to the conversation. Their mind wanders into something that it is interested in because they are genuinely not interested in the conversation. This happens without the knowledge until someone brings it up.

The third step is “IDGAF”; just plain out not caring what is said. The partner discusses subjects and the other simply does not have enough interest to even try to listen. It just ends with “OK” or “I don’t know anything about that”. Without interest following the conversation. It basically just stops there.

The last step in the process is “Recession”; not talking to your partner about your own things. Not only do you lose interest in their interests, but also one does not even care to share. Everything becomes irrelevant. Impertinent. Insignificant.

The whole process is fueled by complacency. What once was a great thing, filled with interesting conversations on both sides, now is a one-sided conversation, filled with thoughts of just one person. The other seizes to be interesting and the partner looks for someone to listen to them. That is when a different destructive process starts.