Once upon a time, there was a kid who never listened to his parents. One day, his dad asked him to clean up his room so that ants wouldn’t come into the house. The boy, seemingly with ears that had a leak, left his apples and bananas in his room. That night, he fell into a deep sleep.

During the evening, billions and billions of ants—mom-ants, dad-ants, child-ants, and aunt-ants—came in and devoured the little boy whole. Nothing remained except a bunch of little bones. All the ants left before Dad’s discovery, but they left a note that read: “We are the things hidden in plain sight. The fuel of nightmares. We thank you for the sacrifice and hope to see you soon.”

Horrified, the dad called the police to come investigate. However, he was promptly arrested, tried, and convicted because they all thought he was batshit crazy. In prison, he spent 30 years in solitary, ensuring he ate and picked up all his food until one day he forgot a crumb. The ants devoured him, and he found himself with his son in heaven, where they lived happily ever after.

The moral of the story is “Listen to your Dad.” - Rob

(This note has been on our fridge for 9 years)